I realized that I haven't touched this blog for an entire summer and 1 whole month into the school year. Even blogspot has changed. A lot has happened. Good and bad. I won't bother filling in on those because those who matter already know, and some things can just be left for myself to know.
I've grown a lot since then, I think? The bad stuff can really push you forward, which I suppose is why there are bad things in your life in the first place.
I'm just particularly saddened by the realization that I cannot afford to be so genuine and open to everyone I meet and deem as my friend any more. I've always been scornful of superficial and hypocritical people, but these past events made me realize, that might be a necessary part of life. When you open yourself up for another, you make youself vulnerable. Vulnerable for back-stabbing, vulnerable for judgment, vulnerable for attacks. I'm just glad that I know for certain that I have a number of closest friends who I can trust and confide in and I know that they care about me as much as I care for them.
Technology brings us closer and apart. And technology has made it possible for cowards to post some malicious shit. Why can't they say it in my face? Well, I suppose the mysteries cannot be solved without more clues, and I'll accept that there's nothing I can really do at the moment. But when I do find out, if I find out, they will seriously regret messing with me. Maybe my breakdown is what you wanted to see in doing that, but I will not let you get that satisfaction again. I'll just be the little fierce Asian and we'll see who laughs till the end.
I had an amazing weekend with friends, especially at Michelle's. Her "Sweetheart Family", as I call it, is possibly the most adorable family I know. The Vespa ride, apple picking, apple pies, her family, the puppy and the bunny, and her all formed a huge fuzzy blanket around me. I hope daddy gets to come for Mel weekend for sure and meet them.
When I came back on campus, I saw Joshie, Alex, Tere, Xica riding in Joshie's car back to home. They backed up to talk to me and Gavin. And that's when I realized I was overwhelmed by a feeling of content. I love them and I love the facts that these are my friends, that they are in my life. Maybe I was just being sentimental over such an awful event had occurred couple days ago, but I was truly happy.
So, cheers to moving on with life.
I love you too Molin, although I may not show it sometimes, I am blessed to have you as a friend :)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about being vulnerable because it's a part of life! it may feel sucky but realizing it is what helps us grow and connect with people more worthwhile than jerks and btches who take advantage of your kindness.
Don't live for those kind of people and just be your bubbly self :)