FYI

your hand looking for my hand and holding it when you sleep is probably the most adorable thing ever.

Salt & Pepper

it's so nice,

to have you by my side, falling asleep and waking up next to you, kiss you, hug you, cuddle with you.

i love our awkward Q&As and little talks at night.

being able to tell you what happened was such a relief.

thank you for not judging me and still holding my hands.

i adore you. so so much.

Do You Remember

saw a 3/4/2004 file today at work.
"that's her birthday. that's the last time i was there to celebrate."
and a 9/10/2003 file.
"that's the last birthday i celebrated with both dad and mom."

such a long time ago isn't it.

i still remember, all the memories we share.
as sad, as afraid as i am to finally come to term with this, truth is, you are forgetting me.
since when it became me sending birthday greetings and only three of you remember mine? since when am i the only one sending you random greetings and not the other way around any more?

[wow doesn't this make me sound like such a narcissistic douche.]

but it really does sting, to know that the "we're forever best friends" is becoming something so intangible. the two that i shared the most with only talk to me with one sentence in a few-month interval. those tears, laughters were just a part of a memory that i still relive so often.

i'm actually a little afraid to go home and hang out with all of you. the past 6 years have been way too different, especially the past year. we've all changed. maybe i've changed the most. we just no longer share that strong of a bond any more. and i feel like the silence between us have been eating me away.

funny how bad i'm at letting things go.

there's no "forever" in my dictionary any more.
nothing lasts forever.
how i wish this wasn't true.