New Year

it's crazy that chinese new year is in two days. it's bizarre. it hasn't been this early in the year for a while. so strange

i somehow don't feel quite excited though. although china nite is coming up and i'll be performing, i still don't feel like i'm in the festive mood at all. guess it's just not the same without being home with my family.

i miss home. i've been so busy after coming back that i barely think about home, except when i was facing campus food for the first couple days. but now the fact that new year's already here just struck me, and i want to be home so desperately.

i don't feel like doing work. don't feel like doing anything much really. i just want to be home right now. being able to see my parents every day, sleeping in my own bed, eating mom and grandma's cooking, watching the stupid celebration tv and laughing together, and watching fireworks from the tiny balcony.

but so what, it's part of studying abroad. kinda have to suck it up and move on.

happy bunny year. let's make it a better year than before.

Some Feelings

it's been quite a long time since i updated at all. sorry guys!
don't particularly want to go over winter break with fam. it was really amazing, but i guess i'm just not ready to really think about home yet.

it's been difficult dealing with the departure of michelle, chuyi, and some gphi sisters. paul's leaving in just a few days too. time really flies by. it kinda scares me. i just don't really like the fact that people i love seeing everyday are all absent from my life right now.

recruitment provoked lots of feelings. i sometimes question things i say to girls that went through recruitment. but i guess, in the end, it is worth it. the girls that i really liked who dropped out completely or end up in another sorority will (hopefully) be happy with their decisions. and if girls who regret dropping out, they can still go over this process again, i guess.

last night i questioned myself. self-confidence took a huge plunge. feeling useless, not being an interesting person, nobody would want me as a big, not motivated enough, people didn't like me enough... i'm just really really glad gav was there for me to just dump it out on him for a little, and jordan being the best big ever and picking me up (and tucking me in). it's what real family does. i'm just glad that i have them here.

feeling a lot better today now. also talked about future with my MCAT teacher, which relieved me a lot on many levels. it's prob very unlikely that i become a surgeon now, since i actually want a family. but right now i think i'm just gonna worry about finding the right med school and getting accepted.

got our gphi babies (you're really not suppose to call them babies any more since some find it degrading, but our pledge class loved that a lot. so i'm just gonna secretly refer to them as babies) tonight!!! they're amazing and i can't wait to get to know them better!

so yeaaaaaah that was a lot of random feelings and updates on my recent life.

i want to give a quick shoutout to MICHELLE b/c i know she's gonna read this tmrw as soon as she wakes up. <3